Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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