Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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