I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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