that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
