They should really pass out barf bags in church
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
