apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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