I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
