guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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