Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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