her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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