She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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