Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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