I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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