Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
