I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
