Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
