i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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