I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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