Kiss
Puke
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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