We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
