Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
