TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
