"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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