$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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