you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
