Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
