um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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