Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize