I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
