i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
my shit smells like andre
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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