If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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