fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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