oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
