Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
