so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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