Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize