I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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