i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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