You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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