My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
