I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
