UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
COCAINE IS GR8
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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