I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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