The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
