im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize