Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
