Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
