btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
