I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
