You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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