I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We got so high we made milksteak
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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