So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
