i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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