he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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