Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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