why didn't you poke me back
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
