yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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