Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize