Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
