i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
