he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize