I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
