i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
