Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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