batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
