I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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