Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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