Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize