its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
