Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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