Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
