Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
