so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
