Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
