If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
