I wanna passion pit in your ass
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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