I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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