every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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